just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
