I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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