apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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