I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
