There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
