porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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