big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
