either way he was missing a nipple.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
