I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
