...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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