I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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