I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
