My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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