question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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