thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
