laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
