Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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