Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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