I will die if light touches me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize