I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
