We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
