Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
