She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They have beer where we have blood.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
