i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
