i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
