I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
