just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My vagina is very pro this idea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize