Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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