she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
