I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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