Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
