I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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