Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
