Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
