WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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