Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
