So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
