I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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