I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
