Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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