You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The chlamydia really affected his face.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
