these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
