Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
