I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
