if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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