he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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