dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need a beard to bite.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
