My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
