So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
