Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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