apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
