It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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