Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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