i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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