i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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