You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
