just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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