I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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