Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
