I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
