Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
