Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
