Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
