Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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